Conscious surrender

In this moment all doors are closed,

in this moment there is no hope.

Not a way to cope,

that is working for me any more,

this is what was in store,

embrace this fall, rock bottom, the floor.

Conscious surrender,

open to the teachings through what seems like a blunder

Now the only way is up,

higher, higher, we levitate past this one small space where we were once stuck,

without much luck,

it is a relief, to finally be able to breathe, not heave,

gasp or grasp, just finally leave,

all that baggage and so we grieve

and move on.

but know I feel much better off,

now that it is all over,

went through the strife, stone cold sober,

did not escape tempting as it was and now it is too late,

I fell through and saw the boulder,

on my path, weight on my shoulder,

for exactly what it was as I grew older,

Many times I wished for a four leaf clover,

but nothing would show,

I do not know at the time how to grow,

I do not know where to go,

what I was doing, who I was, a purpose, skill, talent, nothing, nada, nothing at all

there was just a wall,

it would not come down,

a blank canvas, empty, I would go round and round,

but never did make a sound,

so you would never know,

and I would swear never, ever to put on a show,

no reason for that no, no.

I decide instead to flow and maybe tomorrow I could let it all go

maybe then I will finally see,

find something that comes to me with relative ease,

something worth it,

well maybe a little bit,

anything other than this, shit…

eventually things became clear,

the fear, well it did disappear

and I saw the lesson,

in this prison,

life has its seasons,

reasons,

and nothing lasts,

nothing you will not eventually get past.

Faatima

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s